Lately, it feels like there hasn't been much in my life worth posting. I know a few things have happened, but I can't seem to remember anything. =?

Work's okay. I'm pushing myself more and more to move out of my comfort zone. I'm taking more initiative to handle the kids who really push my buttons. Though I'm not always successful (in my mind), I haven't broken any of them. Heh. Always a good thing. State reviewers are coming next month to look at our program, so we're all pretty high strung about that.

I finally received my diploma in the mail. Officially a Masters graduate. =) I scheduled my license exam for next Friday as well, which makes me feel really worried. I keep telling myself it'll be fine and I'll pass, but I hate taking tests. Going to the gym would relieve some of my anxiety, if I wasn't still fatigued from a slight case of the flu earlier this week. *sigh* I just have to keep reviewing. I know what I'll be doing this weekend.

I think I'll be a bundle of raw nerves until I take it next Friday. I hope the time I'll spend studying this weekend will help alleviate some of this stress. I think it'll do me some good to run around with the kids today, too.

For the last couple of weeks, I keep thinking that Tuesday/Wednesday is really Thursday. Not sure why, except for maybe the wishful thinking that the weekend was closer. =P

I'm still in the process of getting the pre-approval to register for my licensing exam. I'm a bit frustrated that the Board hasn't gotten my transcript yet, even though school said they mailed it out a month ago. =? To remedy this, I took my former classmate's advice (an intern at my work) to have it mailed to myself, then send it to the Board by certified mail. What a pain! The whole process makes me anxious because it's a lot of waiting and planning out the timing for everything. I just hope I can get it to them in time so I can still schedule to take my exam in the beginning of March.

My days became longer again, now that I commute with The Hubby on almost a daily basis. It's rough, but now I'm actually being more productive. I joined the gym near work (finally), so I alternate between weight training and swimming. I'm sore, but it feels pretty good. It's better than me spending those extra hours sneaking junk food because I'm bored, or spending money I really shouldn't. =? I hope that the exercise will help decrease my constant fatigue and my anxiety about stuff going on.

The Hubby and I are in the process of spring cleaning. It's rough because we're both packrats, but we're getting there. Our plans also include partial renovations in our bathrooms. Maybe by the end of the month. Anyone done bath fitting? We were thinking of that as an option. The in-laws did it, and it came out nice.

I have pictures of food, but it's late. I don't want to make anyone too hungry so late. =P

I'm done! I'm done! I finished my paper, put it in an email, and sent it in! I'm done for the semester! I'm done with my masters program! Squeeeeeeee!

I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's within my reach, but it's taking a while for me to get there.

I finally got a real start to my paper this weekend. I feel really good about it, but my pessimism is getting in the way. I know I tend to procrastinate on things I really dislike doing, this paper being no different. Unfortunately, it's causing a lot of anxiety in me, anxiety that's not founded on anything but my own fears of failure. I know I'll do fine. That's what others tell me; but, it's me that needs convincing.

I'm always worried about leaving something out, about not making sense, or about being seen as a screw up in some way. I know I'm not perfect, but I somehow feel like I have to be. It's something with which I've been struggling all my life. Assignments just exasperate this line of thinking for me, exaggerating it, and therefore making it all feel so overwhelming.

I know I'm almost in the clear. I can almost taste it. I just have to pull off this last task. I just need to try to get it done by Wednesday, so I can enjoy my Thursday off in peace and tranquility, instead of panic and annoyance with myself. I just keep having to push myself. Maybe pull an all-nighter for the next couple of days. I hope I can do this. I'm ready for it all to be done.

Though I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I still have a few things to finish. My presentation tomorrow has my tummy in knots, but I know I'll be fine. I give my final presentation tomorrow morning, and then one more policy analysis paper is due next week. I'm so excited, I can taste it. There were even times I had to resist the urge to squeal with joy. =P

Just checking in to let you know that I'm doing okay. I'm just busy with tasks and anxious to finish everything by this weekend.

I officially have 8 classes left for the rest of the semester. Eight classes until I officially end my school career. 0.o

Now, If I can get all of the schoolwork out of the way, I'll be on Cloud 9.

I officially have 4 classes left for each of my classes this semester. Four classes until I officially end my school career. 0.o

Now, If I can get all of the schoolwork out of the way, I'll be on Cloud 9.

I often wonder what the kid upstairs is doing, aside from running around like a lunatic. It always sounds like he's falling from 5 feet off the ground. *thump thump* The noises are so loud, I get startled sometimes. I wonder if he has any bruises...

I have yet another paper due this Wednesday, so it'll be some time before I can post pics about my fun Saturday in NYC.

I should get back to my paper now, but I'm tired.

♥ Cutting back to fit the page requirement is hard. Hopefully it makes sense. At least I finished my paper, with more than an hour to spare. Woo!

♥ Policy paper deadline EXTENDED to Thanksgiving week. I'm still going to try to finish it for next week. =)

♥ Bought tickets to the Chocolate Show for Saturday. The Hubby's going with me. CHOCOLATE! Squee! =D

♥ Going to a friend's birthday party Saturday night. Burgers and FRIES! Yummyummyummy. =P

♥ It's sunny outside.

♥ It's time for breakfast. Mmm. Rice with eggs and dilis.

Can you tell I'm hungry? *L*

I can't believe it's mid-semester already. Only a month-and-a-half more until I am completely done with school. 0.0 I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Maybe a cartwheel. Whee!

To help myself prep for the rest of my semester, I finally went to see the guy to whom my old therapist referred me.
The visit seemed to give me some of the motivation I needed to get going on this paper due Thursday. Though I'm still at the beginning stages, I'm hopeful that I'll finish it earlier than I anticipated. Then I have my 2nd paper due on the 14th.

I hope I can get enough done so I can fully enjoy the Chocolate Show next weekend. I'd hate to have the enormous task of doing most of my next paper after I get my chocolate on. =P

Though I didn't quite get everyone done that I wanted to this morning, I feel pretty accomplished.

I did 1/3 of my assignment that's due tomorrow, and found really good references to use for my big paper due next week. I also did some correspondence that I've been putting off, and had a quick conversation with my brother, who I haven't spoken to for almost a month. He's feeling the school stress like I am, though maybe more so.

Today's my first short Tuesday of my new work schedule. I'm looking forward to the extra time to get school stuff done, and maybe some neglected house-related duties.

I hope to make a dent in my paper tonight, even if it's just a paragraph.

Oh, and I'll get to watch Prison Break tonight, about which I'm excited. =P

This class is torture! I can see that my prof is very intelligent and really into doing research, but she's having a difficult time engaging the class to stimulate discussion. She answers my classmates' questions with another question, then goes on to answer her own. =?

We still have another 1.66 hours of class. Bleh. I don't know how some people have all these notes written on their copies of her class lecture handouts. 0.o I feel like this is a class I could've taken online, if it was offered as an online class. =?

Today's been a pretty nice and productive day. Despite the occasional bouts of anxiety about pending schoolwork and future encounters with the oppositional clients at work, I've been able to keep myself relatively calm and positive. Food creating, shopping, and house straightening helped with the anxiety. I got a lot of things done today.

I'm almost done with the Earl Grey chocolate truffles I promised to make for The Hubby's birthday, and I'll be baking his cookies shortly. I've been craving cookies all weekend, so this is good. =P

The dean of students for my masters program finally contacted me about my January graduation. There's a form I can fill out, but I'm still deciding on whether to have it mailed to me in my tiny mailbox, or to pick it up at my Registrar's. I'm so excited!

I went to A.C. Moore and I found some pretty good stuff I've been looking for to use for some presents. I'm getting into some simple jewelry-making, so I bought some elastic cord for bracelets. Hopefully I can figure out how to do what I want to do with it. I also bought some candy boxes for the truffles. =)

The Hubby will be home soon. I'm hungry. I want some pasta. =P

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If anyone can help me with a legal question:
For the past couple of years, I've used a creative moniker to label my creations: cards, candy boxes, crochet projects, etc. I've been thinking about it more and more, and I wonder if I should get a copyright on the name. I've been making so many things and using the name for them, it seems to make sense. I guess it would make the most sense to get a copyright if I decide to start selling some of the stuff I make because I don't want to step on any legal toes. Does anyone have any idea how I'd go about doing that? Would it make sense to do it, even I make small sales?

It's dreary outside, but I'm happy it's almost the weekend. Here's a few updates:

• I finalized my new schedule with my supervisor. I drop my extra morning hours next week, and I go 80% the following week through to Christmas week.
  
• The prof who seemingly picks on me told me yesterday that I'm "doing much better" now. Ya mean I wasn't before? 0.o  *scratches head*
• It's dreary outside. Today should be a stay-inside-and-sleep-'cause-it's-raining day.
  
• Oppositional people still get me really, really anxious. Luckily, I have great coworkers helping me learn to deal with them more appropriately.
• I can focus my efforts this weekend on cookies and truffles. Yay!
• I'm feeling really motivated, and I think I'm going to try to start some research this weekend for my paper due at the end of the month.
• I'm feeling much better. Thanks for the support.

After much debating and pushing myself, I finally came to the decision that a full-time work schedule with school's too much. I initially felt guilty and disappointed that I couldn't do it, as so many others have done it before, but a little extra money is not worth my tears of stress and exhaustion. Especially in my line of work, seeing the case manager fall apart when you're trying to get yourself together isn't really conducive.

I talked it over with The Hubby, and after some initial frustration and disappointment, he's more understanding and supportive of the change. I also talked it over with my supervisor at work, and she's okay with it. We're looking over my schedule now to accommodate my cutback hours and the staffing schedule.

I feel so much lighter, like a humongous weight's been lifted. I know I have to take care of myself. I also know that the professional side of me that knows this fact still struggles with the personal side that's been raised to push to do it all. It's going to take a while to break that, but I'm hopeful it will happen sooner than later. I'm so grateful that I have so many supportive people in my life. I think I would've fallen apart ages ago if it weren't for them.

My paper's almost done. I have the last 2 paragraphs to iron out, then a proofread or 2. However, I'm tired, and I want to take a little snooze before I really have to get ready for work.

Bleh. Maybe I can finish it up at work, since I have no paperwork nor clients this morning. I don't think my supervisor will mind--she's so understanding and flexible. She's let me do some schoolwork during my free time at work before.

...But instead I'm being a good girl and working on my paper due on Wednesday. ^,^

I have about a page down, and I'm looking through all my notes to see if I can stretch it out to about another page or so before putting in my two-cents. I'm also hoping my citations are correct because I have been forewarned by my prof that she is a Grammar and Citation Nazi. 0.o

I'm feeling very productive right now, and I hope it sticks with me until I get this thing done. I'm denying the urge to take another nap, though the signs of a possible upcoming cold make it harder to resist. =?

Weekend's been pretty low key. Tomorrow's The Hubby's birthday, hence my desires to make and bake. Oh, and my desire to eat tons of chocolate, too. =D

Update: It's about 11:57pm, and I'm almost done with my paper. Yay! I have to finish off one more section, then put in my own personal perspective, and proofread. I might have to take a break and nap for an hour or so, but I'm determined to get this baby done before the sun comes up tomorrow. Woo!

Oh, and I got to making the ganache for The Hubby's birthday truffles. Mmm. It's tasty. =P

After a hysterical meltdown this morning, I regrouped and found some peace of mind.

I have a paper due a week from yesterday, and I just found the topic today. I would've probably picked it last week, if my prof didn't forget to email me to tell me that the direction I was going with my original topic was not supported by my original research findings. =? It really stressed me out. Fortunately, in my darkest hour, I was able to find another, simpler topic on what to focus my efforts. She emailed me right away, and gave me the "okay". Woo!

On top of that, I came into today's class, still with the idea that the prof dislikes me for some reason, and she hasn't picked on me yet. Woo! I went up to her and asked her questions on what she asked me to do last week (seemingly, only me), and she seemed appeased by my efforts. I even participated in class. Go me! My goal is to keep flying under the radar and to not rock the boat.

Here's hoping these efforts pay off.

While updating myself on what's been going on with all my friends for the past month, I am reminded of how incredibly lucky I am to have what I have, and how pale my dilemmas seem in comparison. Everyone is going through their "stuff", and it seems as if the change in weather has made the "stuff" magnify times a bajillion. Being who I am, I've closed off my "vent" to others, and kept it all to myself. Well, except for the select few, The Hubby and my coworkers, who are supportive and empathic by nature (respectively).

My biggest stressor right now is school. I have one prof that seems to be singling me out, patronizes the class, and treats us like children. The other one just plain scares me. She has these expectations of the class, gives no directions on how to accomplish those expectations, and then nitpicks about actions incongruent with her expectations. I feel so tired from the stress that the little things they do piss me off and make me cry with frustration.

It's only been 4 weeks, and I feel very close to my wits end. However, the only thing that keeps me going is that I'll be done by December. *closes eyes and repeats it* I just have to lie low and be a "good girl" in both classes until then.

Ugh. Is it Friday yet??

I'm in class, and my prof just announced that we will be given name cards to place at our desks. I feel like I'm in kindergarten again. =P *L*

*Update:

Okay. I officially felt like I was being treated like a grade schooler. During the break, my classmate asked to borrow my laptop to check his email. He gave it back to me after class resumed, and the teacher reprimanded us both, in front of the class. 0.o ( I wouldn't put it past her to tell us to write, I WILL NOT SEND EMAIL DURING CLASS, on the board 100 times. )