I'm in Zebu, taking my lunch, and NOT DOING WORK! I refuse. I've been doing too much of work outside of work that I can feel it...the burnout coming. But, I'm not going to let it get to me. I still have a little over a year before I get my clinical license, and almost 2 before I can quit if I wanted. Just waiting it out. At least my coworkers are great and supportive. I think I would've gone bonkers a long time ago, if it weren't for them.

The weather's gorgeous outside. It's chilly, but bright and inviting. I'm tempted by their giant cookies here, but I'm trying to be good. The Hubby and I started the gym this month, and I don't want to end up with a negative workout. =P

My mind's all over the place. Hehe. I think it's 'cause I got up at 5:30am. Because of the gym. Yeah. Not sure how I feel about the early-morning gym sessions. However, I don't know if I can actually force myself to go after work either. Oh, decisions. The dilemmas of being a grown up, with a metabolism no longer being that of a supermotor.

While I sit here in my living room trying to clear out old emails and crap I don't need, I realize that I haven't posted in forever. 0.o It's a good thing I've decided to discontinue my paid membership when it expires in June. I've been wasting money. Heh.

Well then, since I don't have any idea on how to use Twitter, or a data plan for my cell to utilize it, here's an update the old-fashioned way:

• The Hubby and I are still going strong. Though we still drive each other bonkers sometimes with the socialization aspect (or his lackthereof), it's nice to know that he's there when it really counts (not hiding from my family anymore).
• I like the work that I do, and the people with whom I work, but I'm beginning to dislike my job. I'm stressing out about not being "on-top" of all of my paperwork, which used to be my forte. The necessary "chaos" of the job is really getting to me, keeping me from doing this. It's not helpful either when my boss is hardly around to give me guidance on how to manage all of this. =? I would look for another job, but there are still some factors keeping me there right now. Besides, the stressors aren't painful enough for me to definitely leave yet.
• Because of the stressors at work, I've been craving a vacation. The Hubby and I are planning to pick up his grandmother in LA in a couple of months, and since I've never been, I'm really excited. We're also planning to go back to Vegas and the Comic-Con in July. I can't wait!
• I miss my family a lot. My sis is away at Tracker School, and my bro's out a lot. The Hubby and I had a nice impromptu lunch with my parents yesterday, but I have the feeling that they wished we came over more often. I think I'm definitely going to make more of an effort to do that.
• Tim and I are motivated to do another renovation in the house. We've purged quite a few things again, and are looking for some new furniture for the living room. I'm hoping we'll be more successful this year in doing a proper spring cleaning. Maybe we'll actually paint the bedroom this year. Lol.
• In efforts to better ourselves, I ditched my old gym, and we joined a local gym, right around the corner from our place. The goal is to go there at least 3x's a week, if not more. I think as long as I go straight from work to the gym, I'll be okay. This week will be our first time. I'm looking forward to it. I need to de-stress myself.
• I've been cooking and baking a lot. Muffins (tried a low-fat one, I might keep it), pizza, lasagna, soups, stews...You name it, I might've made it or tried tweaking it. I want to bake more muffins, but The Hubby's afraid it's all going to his butt. =0P
• I'm hanging out more with friends and coworkers, which makes me happy. I'm also trying to make more of an effort to socialize, too.

Wow. I had a lot more to say than I thought. I hope the weather forecast holds true for tonight/tomorrow. I really would love a snow day. I'm burnt.

This randomness was meant for the wee hours prior to T-Day, but I was too tired lazy to post:

You know it's time for bed when you forget the pumpkin in the pumpkin spiced cookies. =P

Since I started working in my new position, it's been somewhat of a whirlwind process. The plan for my first week was to "shadow" someone else, to get a feel for what I should be doing. However, within the first 2 days, I was thrown into transporting/visiting others' clients on my own, and learning all the paperwork that goes with it. Not even 2 weeks later, I got my first couple of clients. It's been busy, but good. I'm learning a lot, and I think I'm getting better at not letting things get to me so much. However, there are those days, when you have to ponder on life and how everything is connected. This last thought spurred from events/conversations that occurred during my shift.

My first client passed away over the holiday weekend. She was diagnosed with a mental illness (bizarre behaviors, forgetful, delusions, depression), and came to us. She was hospitalized within a month later, where they found a brain tumor the size of an orange. The professional medical opinion was that her symptoms were probably caused by the tumor. Why it wasn't found sooner, no idea. I was in shock when my coworker first told me. Then I cried a little. Now, I'm okay. I feel like I'm in a haze. Despite her issues with her mom, her mom has been such a crazy good support for her. I felt sad for them. I felt guilty that I didn't get to visit her last week, but I know it wasn't like I could do anything about it.

The reason I didn't get to visit the aforementioned client last week, was that I got stuck with another client, waiting for him to be hospitalized for homicidal thoughts. Just my luck, his thoughts progress to include me during transport to the medical center around the corner. Needless to say, it was kind of dumb to agree to it, and now I know better.

In light of the holiday that just passed and of all the changes that have occurred in the last few months, I feel so very grateful that my family and friends are here to support and love me, no matter what. I'm especially grateful to have awesome coworkers, who really look out for one another. Oh, and chocolate was especially helpful to my sanity this week. =P Life's waaaay too short for me to worry as much as I do. I'm slowly learning to let things go, even if I don't like it.

It seems like I never have any time to post entries or in any forums anymore. I blame work and the fact that I'm too lazy tired to go online anymore. Well, I can't really blame it all on work. I guess I've just delved into other things.

May is always busy with birthdays and such, so I'm always MIA then. We celebrated birthday after birthday, in addition to my commencement exercises and a cousin's beach wedding. All very lovely, but my wallet's tired. =P

At the end of last month, I also went on my Europe vacation with The Hubby and my fam. It was great! We went to London, Paris, and Rome, going everywhere. While in Paris, I put my minimal french-speaking skills to use. I think my French teachers would've been somewhat proud. =D Hear are some teaser pictures:


Platform 9 3/4 | Eiffel Tower | Trevi Fountain

More on the trip and some more pics to come.

Workwise, a couple of good news tidbits. My licensing application was reviewed last month, and I was approved. Yay! I sent them my licensing fee last week. Hopefully, I get my license in the next month or so. I'm finally seeing a light at the end of a long tunnel. Moreover, I've been interviewing inter-agency for other positions. There's another position in which I'm interested, but not as much as this other one. The supervisor already offered me the position, without me having to interview! That part was awesome, but I'm still waiting to hear from the other. After some initial trepidations about driving everywhere for work, I'm really hoping I get this one position. It sounds like the kind of experience I need to really push me into the height of my potential.

It's really gorgeous outside: sunny with a nice, cool breeze. I think I may enjoy a bit of reading outside before picking up The Hubby for lunch.

This past week's been mostly good. I'm feeling okay about work again, probably because I don't feel like I'm stuck anymore. May Madness isn't too bad, thus far. I think I need a little non-work-related madness to keep me balanced. I know work's been consuming all of my time, and posts, for months now.

The Board finally called me to tell me they got my application and that everything's complete. Woohoo! I'm on "The List" for application review at the end of this month. Now all that's left are the fingerprinting, background check, and more waiting.

There's a position opening up in another dept at work, in which I'm somewhat interested. It sounds like a great opportunity to expand my repetoire to more than just group programming, but I'm hesitant about the driving and all-day fieldwork. However, I will still submit my resume to the program supervisor tomorrow. I'll keep my options open to going elsewhere, perhaps closer to home with less fieldwork responsibilities. We'll see.

We celebrated the BIL's birthday and Mother's Day without too much craziness. Moreover, our family's getting ready for our big Europe trip at the end of the month. I wish it were here already - I need a vacation.

First part of May Madness did not disappoint.

Work was busy, what with all the defiant kids climbing fridges and running amok. They were handled. I did not fall into beating myself up over "what I could've done differently". I'm very proud of myself for this. Found out my coworker's putting in her resignation. My feelings over it are bittersweet. On the one hand, professionally, I learned a lot from her. On the other, personally, I took her constructive feedback pretty hard. Overall, I think I'll miss her. She had a way with the kids that awed and inspired me. I'm also jealous that she's leaving before I am. She's doing what's best for her right now, and that's really important. I respect her for that.

I got my wisdom teeth pulled on Thursday. It hurt like a biotch! Not the usual extraction either - impacted. Yep. I waited that long. I drugged myself up for the first day with 4 doses of generic Vicodin (at the appropriate timely doses) because the pain was so bad. I still can't decide whether or not I think the pain was worth the nausea I had. Bleh. I ate solid foods today - salmon with mashed potatoes, which was great. I was starving! We had chocolate ice cream for dessert. Yum. =P I still look like a chipmunk with the swelling, but at least I can sit up without too much pain, be somewhat useful at home, and I can enjoy the rest of my weekend. Woo! We're going to visit The Hubby's cousin for lunch and a trip to the boardwalk tomorrow. =)

The upcoming week will be just as busy. The Hubby's getting his extraction Tuesday. BIL's bday is Thursday. I have homemade gifts/cards to make for all the important mothers in my life. I want to bake now, but I think I should do a little more resting before I go overboard with baking and making. I'm excited. When I've figured out recipes to use, I'll post them here.

I hope everyone else is enjoying their weekend.

It's really terrible when all I live for is the weekend now, especially with the weather being so gorgeous. =P

( I've been obsessing over work/my license a lot. I need something different. )

On a positive note, we're starting to plan our summer program. I'm really looking forward to it for the following reasons: planning fun activities, daytime hours, rec activities instead of therapeutic groups all day, outside time, and daytime hours. Yes, I mentioned "daytime hours" twice. It's worth the mention. =D I hope to find something different by the end of the summer if I don't find anything beforehand. It would be a great transition to end the summer program, then begin a new job. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I finally received my licensure application in the mail. I'm almost done filling it out, so it should be mailed out sometime this week (I hope). Due to taking this next step, I resumed looking for other positions within and outside the company. As much as I like the kids and enjoy my coworkers, I feel the urge for a change. I'm starting to feel burnout, which isn't a good sign. I also didn't see myself working with kids or with a partial care program for the rest of my life.

I've been looking around at hospitals, mental health agencies, and such. I hope I find something once I get my license physically in my hands. It would be nice to expand my resume to doing things other than groupwork.

Lately, it feels like there hasn't been much in my life worth posting. I know a few things have happened, but I can't seem to remember anything. =?

Work's okay. I'm pushing myself more and more to move out of my comfort zone. I'm taking more initiative to handle the kids who really push my buttons. Though I'm not always successful (in my mind), I haven't broken any of them. Heh. Always a good thing. State reviewers are coming next month to look at our program, so we're all pretty high strung about that.

I finally received my diploma in the mail. Officially a Masters graduate. =) I scheduled my license exam for next Friday as well, which makes me feel really worried. I keep telling myself it'll be fine and I'll pass, but I hate taking tests. Going to the gym would relieve some of my anxiety, if I wasn't still fatigued from a slight case of the flu earlier this week. *sigh* I just have to keep reviewing. I know what I'll be doing this weekend.

I think I'll be a bundle of raw nerves until I take it next Friday. I hope the time I'll spend studying this weekend will help alleviate some of this stress. I think it'll do me some good to run around with the kids today, too.

For the last couple of weeks, I keep thinking that Tuesday/Wednesday is really Thursday. Not sure why, except for maybe the wishful thinking that the weekend was closer. =P

I'm still in the process of getting the pre-approval to register for my licensing exam. I'm a bit frustrated that the Board hasn't gotten my transcript yet, even though school said they mailed it out a month ago. =? To remedy this, I took my former classmate's advice (an intern at my work) to have it mailed to myself, then send it to the Board by certified mail. What a pain! The whole process makes me anxious because it's a lot of waiting and planning out the timing for everything. I just hope I can get it to them in time so I can still schedule to take my exam in the beginning of March.

My days became longer again, now that I commute with The Hubby on almost a daily basis. It's rough, but now I'm actually being more productive. I joined the gym near work (finally), so I alternate between weight training and swimming. I'm sore, but it feels pretty good. It's better than me spending those extra hours sneaking junk food because I'm bored, or spending money I really shouldn't. =? I hope that the exercise will help decrease my constant fatigue and my anxiety about stuff going on.

The Hubby and I are in the process of spring cleaning. It's rough because we're both packrats, but we're getting there. Our plans also include partial renovations in our bathrooms. Maybe by the end of the month. Anyone done bath fitting? We were thinking of that as an option. The in-laws did it, and it came out nice.

I have pictures of food, but it's late. I don't want to make anyone too hungry so late. =P

My coworker and I both called out on Monday. He was achy, I was nauseous and headachy. Another coworker thinks it's some sort of stomach virus due to the random bouts of headaches and nausea. I hope not. My head's achy, and I feel run down. Worst of all, the headaches are stress ones with the pain starting at my temples, running all the way to my shoulder blades. =?

I'd call out again, but it would make it very difficult for me to go back to a full week. Moreover, I can't do that to my coworkers again. My coworkers are luckily very understanding, and letting me take it somewhat easy at work. I have a scheduled doctor's appt on Saturday, so I'll give him a head's up on what's been happening this week. Friday can't come much sooner...

In the past 2 days, I wrote 2 incident reports about clients getting injured in my presence. My supervisor said that I get a gold star for writing up the most incident reports of any employee in the program. Even the company safety officer recognizes me as "the one who was bitten by that kid". My coworker thinks that we should start bubble wrapping our clients when I'm around, or give them one of those sumo wrestler padded suits.

I'm beginning to wonder if that black cat that crossed my path last week is the culprit of my poor luck. =?

Though I didn't quite get everyone done that I wanted to this morning, I feel pretty accomplished.

I did 1/3 of my assignment that's due tomorrow, and found really good references to use for my big paper due next week. I also did some correspondence that I've been putting off, and had a quick conversation with my brother, who I haven't spoken to for almost a month. He's feeling the school stress like I am, though maybe more so.

Today's my first short Tuesday of my new work schedule. I'm looking forward to the extra time to get school stuff done, and maybe some neglected house-related duties.

I hope to make a dent in my paper tonight, even if it's just a paragraph.

Oh, and I'll get to watch Prison Break tonight, about which I'm excited. =P

As I mentioned in previous posts, work's been pretty stressful. Lately, I've had to deal with a lot of oppositional kids who don't seem to mesh well with each other, and this week's no better. Even though half of the group went pumpkin picking, I somehow get stuck with the group who ends up needing lots of 1:1s and constant redirection. *sigh*

There's one particular kid with whom I find really difficult to work. He's oppositional, he's my size (if not taller), and he's in complete denial of accepting any responsibility. So whenever he's in program, somehow he sucks the other kids into his web of inappropriate behavior, and little bouts of chaos ensue. When he gets oppositional during group, my anxiety increases because I fear losing control of the group. I end up feeling exasperated at the end of the day because I'm tired of redirecting him. I talk to my supervisor often about different ways to deal with the opposition and I know it takes practice, but it's still frustrating. Sometimes, I just feel lost. I wonder to myself, Am I ever going to get this and not feel like a failure? I hope so.

It's days like these that makes me question whether to continue working with them, or to even have them. =?

It's dreary outside, but I'm happy it's almost the weekend. Here's a few updates:

• I finalized my new schedule with my supervisor. I drop my extra morning hours next week, and I go 80% the following week through to Christmas week.
  
• The prof who seemingly picks on me told me yesterday that I'm "doing much better" now. Ya mean I wasn't before? 0.o  *scratches head*
• It's dreary outside. Today should be a stay-inside-and-sleep-'cause-it's-raining day.
  
• Oppositional people still get me really, really anxious. Luckily, I have great coworkers helping me learn to deal with them more appropriately.
• I can focus my efforts this weekend on cookies and truffles. Yay!
• I'm feeling really motivated, and I think I'm going to try to start some research this weekend for my paper due at the end of the month.
• I'm feeling much better. Thanks for the support.

After much debating and pushing myself, I finally came to the decision that a full-time work schedule with school's too much. I initially felt guilty and disappointed that I couldn't do it, as so many others have done it before, but a little extra money is not worth my tears of stress and exhaustion. Especially in my line of work, seeing the case manager fall apart when you're trying to get yourself together isn't really conducive.

I talked it over with The Hubby, and after some initial frustration and disappointment, he's more understanding and supportive of the change. I also talked it over with my supervisor at work, and she's okay with it. We're looking over my schedule now to accommodate my cutback hours and the staffing schedule.

I feel so much lighter, like a humongous weight's been lifted. I know I have to take care of myself. I also know that the professional side of me that knows this fact still struggles with the personal side that's been raised to push to do it all. It's going to take a while to break that, but I'm hopeful it will happen sooner than later. I'm so grateful that I have so many supportive people in my life. I think I would've fallen apart ages ago if it weren't for them.

Friday before a long weekend, and I'm at work. =P Half of the building is empty because people took an extra day for holiday, so it's eerie quiet. 0.0

Right now, I'm avoiding some of the tasks I have to do because it involves straightening out the group room. The summer program ended for the kids last Tuesday, so they won't return until Wednesday next week. There's lots of time, and barely anything with which to fill it. I'd check email, but IT decided to ban outside email access from the office. Without warning. In less than 24 hours. 0.o No messenger clients either.

I'm just waiting until the clock strikes 5, so I can run home. The Hubby's grandma's birthday is today, and I made some cinnamon-nut biscotti for her. I want to dip some in chocolate before wrapping it up.

Not much else going on right now. Hopefully the time goes quickly.

I woke up with my left eye puffy and a bit swollen. I know I did some crying at my counseling appointment, but usually the swelling is gone by the next day. I looked closer, and there's a teeny-tiny bump under my eye. What is it? A bite? Did I rub something into my eye last night when it was itchy? Allergies? I think the most likely culprit is a tiny bug, feasting on me while running last night. =? Oh, bother. No contacts for me today, unless I want the kids to think I'm winking at them all afternoon. =P

In other news, as per usual, I'm running late for work, and should've left already. I still need to get some lunch. *sigh* I'm beginning to hate late Fridays.

/whining

Work's still pretty busy, and is keeping my very tired. However, I was able to catch up with almost half of my flist's posts, and do a little exercise this week.

Things are going pretty well. Counseling appointments are productive, as is work. I actually feel less anxious about "screwing up" with the kids, and am now kind of enjoying it. The kids are actually taking me more seriously, and I feel really confident that I'm helping them in some way, without damaging their already fragile support system. =)

In addition to work, the past couple of weeks surrounds around food and family. This weekend will be no exception. Fortunately, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. We're having a birthday dinner for my bro this Sunday, and that will be the end of it. He's now 21. *sniff* They grow up so fast. /sniff. May Madness is coming to a close, and I won't really have to worry about another birthday until mid-July. *big sigh of relief*

The Hubby's good. He's been tired as well due to May Madness and my work schedule. Summer hours should help alleviate the fatigue in a couple of weeks.

I forgot to mention the pressies I got recently, but I'm too tired to remember them all, and I want to include pics. The ones foremost in my mind are: Cadbury Flake and a thoughtful saying of Friendship in a beautiful frame from lizabug, a plush monkey PEZ dispenser from my sis, and a fun Disney princess paddle ball from blackbirdshaq. That's because I saw them this morning. =P Maybe I'll get to them this weekend.

Happy Friday, everyone! Enjoy the weekend!

Wow. It's definitely been a while since I've been able to properly keep up with everyone and post in my own journal. Things just got so busy with school ending and then starting full-time at my old/new job that I am just too tired to go on after work.

So, what's up with me? Let's see. I finished the semester (YAY!), and I have about a month and a half before my summer class starts. Including the summer class, I have 3 classes left to take before graduation. Woo! I have to take a licensing exam and all that, but I'll worry about that later.

Right now, I work full-time with the kiddies, from noon to 8pm. The work's hard, but I think I'm slowly getting the hang of dealing with some of the kids who make me nervous. Aside from seeing kids' progress, the second best part of working with the kids is Activity. I get paid to play tag with the kids and run around. I think I've gotten more of a workout in the past couple of days during Activity, than the last few weeks. *L*

Things are going well with my counselor. He's been working with me on how not to be so much of a worry-wart perfectionist. After multiple sessions of continous crying, the last one was less tearful. I was able to hold myself together more, which is kind of a big feat for me. There's still a lot of work to be done, so I'm not rushing it.

At home, things are going pretty well. I've gotten a little sloppy again because of my schedule shift, but it's not terrible. The Hubby and I are going to buy the groceries for the BBQ I'm having in a week, and I'm feeling so excited! My mommy's going to make the sauce for the meat-on-a-stick we'll be grilling, and is letting us use all of their picnic supplies. I love my mom. =)

Other than this, not much else going on. I hope once I settle into my new schedule, I'll feel more energized to do other things. Have a great weekend everyone!